Author Archives: Rebasrich

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About Rebasrich

Here I attempt to share the conversations that I have with myself.

Traveling to trail, Yosemite National Park.

I made it to union station (LA). I took a lyft. First time. Only cost $20. Worth it to me. Worth it to not have to walk to the Sherman way station. And then down into the subway at north Hollywood. The shortened time. The ease of mind. Comparatively worth the $15 added expense. Picked me up from the house. Dropped me off in front of the station. It’s a warm evening. Lost my water bottle in the back of the lyft, the trunk. The driver reminded me of a friends boyfriend but with Bieber hair and Persian, a kind face and demeanor, gentle but not wimpy, soft but not sissy.

Be friendly. These neck pillows are all over the place. Sad. I wish I had mine. The one in front of me is pink. I’m on the bus to Bakersfield. We are still waiting at the station for a few more minutes until departure. 2 hours ride. I got here a little after 10pm. I did want to give myself plenty of space (and by space I mean time) to wrap my mind around this part of the journey. I do try to avoid all frantic and stressful travel. Plenty of time to explore and breath between segments. I’ll be a zombie I’m sure by the time I arrive. I am already feeling the fatigue of travel and lack of sleep in my eyes. Hopefully once we get on the road the lights will go out and the conversations will cease. Especially this one across the aisle. It’s the only one i can here. Loud.

The driver of the bus. What a cross section of our people he sees. And his humor is fierce. As he backs away leaving us all to sit out here unchaperoned but for the idling train in track, I want to wave him away. Farewell funny friend. With a stack of jokes and contrived stories and rules for his bus a mile high.

And here we all sit, stand, or wander; lounging on the ground where the cucas scurry or cramped on the metal benches. I want to snuggle down with my bag but fear the disapproval or disappointment of my new family of travelers. I’ve been passing some deep rumbling gas while sitting here. That is always a pleasant experience. Not being required to hold it in.

These, my travel tales.

Boogers that I can’t pick and farts that I can’t expunge. That’s some gross word choice. That is the sad state of my body everyday. Overly dry sinuses. And a perpetually rumbling abdomen.

Failed to mention yet just how refrigerator cold that bus was. Insane levels of meat-locker preservation. I found myself snuggling my arms in tight and doing that clammy cold sweat thing. And getting comfortable in those seats without touching your neighbor too intimately is the challenge of your life when all you want to do is take a little nap. I do recall the trains being easier to hunker down in. I am hopeful. One added discomfort is the sunburn I managed to acquire while camping with the Church this past weekend. I thought I was under shade of a beach umbrella during the perilous hours.

Unsolved mystery – the thing that was in my eye all day today disappeared somehow during my nap on that bus trip. I just happened to notice this.

3:51am. Train is scheduled to depart at 4:10am but we haven’t yet been allowed on board. Let’s hope. I want to reward myself with an Oreo for being a well behaved traveler… I did so while waiting for the bus at union station.

6:29am what even is sleep. Definitely not 30 minute naps tagged together. The sunrise outside the window of the train is quite lovely. And of course the acres of vineyards and fruit trees and fields of cows. Between Fresno and Merced. Will be disembarking soon. 2 hr layover in Merced. Perhaps I’ll be able to take another nap there. Bust out the air pad and everything.

7:14. Merced. Train just rolled away. Make coffee or take a nap. Have breakfast. Nap. It’s so still here right now. Nap. There is such a delicious coolness to the air.

So I napped. Just made coffee now. Sipping it while a train repeatedly moves forwards and backwards from one set of tracks to another adding and or subtracting cars each time it’s hard to tell exactly. This pedestrian lady trying to cross the street over the tracks into the neighborhood on the other side just started yelling at one of the workers presumably assisting on the ground. Colorful and angry. I’m Getting a second wind. Coffee for the assist! And yet here I lounge still. The hikers life. Day 1. Travel day. Town day. Lounge day. Write day. Wait day. Yoga day. Two weeks no yoga. The trade off. Should I attempt to post something. For the sake of my audience of 1. #himom

Psalm 14

Psalm 14 has been hard to edit.

A few reasons. I wrote the meditation prior to the decision to share them in this way… and that matters because as I look over what I wrote I think about how it will be received, how it sounds, what it conveys. The message that I would want to deliver [or not deliver]. I think about people who are agnostic or atheist or who just don’t believe in the God of the Bible – the ones who credit the unseen world to the power of the universe – the divine. I wonder if they can even hear reflections on these scriptures.

I think about how there are folks out there who use words from the Bible to justify atrocious things. I don’t want to be lumped into the same space as those people who justify their ugliness with the same words that I would use to share beauty and goodness.

But I am not God’s defender… I am his creation. He can defend Himself. I am just trying to listen and hear so that I might be able to follow and do.

Psalm 14 has been hard because I have seen for the first time this very strong bent towards drawing this line between us and them. There is a lot of line-drawing that takes place in our world. And in our personal lives. We all do it. I do it. I was just thinking about this couple that I know of who has a hobby that makes absolutely no sense to me. I consider it ‘weird’. And on the flip side, I personally feel ostracized when I talk about my own hobbies and I am met with a blank stare or an empty response; and all I can see on their faces is ‘she is wierd’. But we can’t stop at this. We are different. We disagree. We don’t have to be friends… but I do think it is good to be friendly; that it is good to listen, to be able to hear the stories of others and to make the effort to offer empathy or at least kindness.

So in this Psalm, David, talks and refers often in his imagery to this line that separates God’s side and the Enemy’s side. I am far from an historical expert, but I think that the Jewish worldview (was) is rooted in whether you were in or out. Either you are or you aren’t. There is no process to becoming, no journey towards belief. And when the story of God gets to the point where the work of Jesus enters into the narrative, it is clear that all of these dividing walls come down, there is no longer any need for these distinctions between Jew or non-Jew, slave or free-person, male or female…

And I do believe very much that there is good and evil, right and wrong… but I also believe that God is the only righteous judge. Even when a person does a detestable thing, that is not the end of their story. As long as they breathe, there is hope. And I can disagree with how a person eats and be repulsed by their bad breath… I might kindly hint that their breath is a little off-putting, but I cannot make them brush their teeth, they don’t answer to me.

So what does this Psalm and its hard line have to offer? It’s made me think, that is for sure.

Stupid people deny God

Stupid people are corrupt

Stupid people do abdominal things

Everyone is stupid

There is not one good person to be found in all the world

God is way up high in his high high place

And when he looks down on all the children of man

He sees that they are all stupid

They refuse to understand

They refuse to seek him

And in their corruption, they continue

They turn away from good

They turn away from knowledge

They turn toward evil

They devour each other

They are filled with terror

They invoke terror

They spread terror

They ignore the great secret…

The great light that illuminates

God is with the righteous

God is the refuge for the poor

God strengthens these plans

God prospers these ways

These find salvation in Him

These find restoration in him

These find fortunes in Him

These are his people

These rejoice

These are glad

They see. These have.

He looks down on them and walks with these.

Psalm 13

How long how long how long how long
Treacherous impatience
My heart is stuck
This question
Like claws deeply sunk into tender flesh
You have forgotten
You are hiding
All day long
I am talking to myself
Mine the only voice I hear
My words are sorrow
My heart heavy
I look out
Around me
All I see are enemies
Ignorance, hatred, racism, injustice
Ruling the world
Demons that possess
And then silence
Do I hear you?

Look away from this examination
Of all that surrounds you
Stop suffocating your heart
I have rescued the world

Grant the jewel of your precious light
Your energy to our bodies
Your spirit to our work
Live and dwell in us
All of it we offer up
These enemies will fade as you prevail
You allow us to remain
Steadfast, unshaken
Steadfast, unshaken
Our heart filled with song
Of salvation
Your love

Psalm 11

I am going to hide myself in the Lord
The great and majestic mountain
Dangerous in terrain
Thrilling in grandeur
Like a bird I fly into the safety of your embrace
High and secure
Beyond the reach of the enemy’s arrows
His bow bent to attack; the arrow fitted into the string

The refuge of your mountain Lord
Firm in strength
Standing guard over our vulnerability
Outside you rain down fire of wrath
The portion assigned for the work of the enemy

In the mountain of the Lord my soul is protected
Where deeds are righteous as you are righteous
We see your face as you see ours
We embrace, endure and celebrate
That we might be with you

Psalm 6

Through it all
We remember and praise you Lord.
All of this
leads to life
In death we do not praise.
In death we do not remember.
Life alone is spent remembering you
Life entirely praising you.
Through languishing
Trouble in body
Trouble in soul
Through weariness
Through moaning
Through tears
Through weeping
Through grief
Through weakness
Your steadfast love delivers life
Suffering to the point of death
But we do not die
We remember you
We praise you
Through it all